January: Trust and Therapy

January and I’m looking at my hellebores starting to flower. It’s a time of contemplation and at the moment, I’m thinking about trust. Thinking about what it means in relationships and in the therapy room. Trust is something that comes up everywhere, for all of us. Trust impacts every act and thought we have. If I think about it, it is a part of our survival system. We need to know who we can trust. Perhaps it’s on my mind as I’m watching ‘The Last of Us’, a post apocalyptic world where it isn’t clear whether another human is safe or a danger to the main characters. Trust has a wax and wane nature to it as far as I can tell. We all have days when we feel more able to share with others and days when it doesn’t feel okay to do so.

Do I trust myself? Not always, especially if there is chocolate nearby! Trust in self is somewhat of a regular therapeutic theme, strongly connected with the experience of change. We can affect our own change, but trust in our ability to manage this change is something that can leave us procrastinating and fearful of the results. For good reason! We’ve all had that kneejerk reaction and later regretted it. Time to explore our plan, and our capabilities is a way of checking such a response. But equally, it is important to trust in our intuition and ability to choose what is right for us. Contemplation is useful, we can take some time to work out what’s next. I like a good walk and if possible a good view to do this. But it’s just as possible to do this at home with a cup of tea and a little music.

Trust is a strong consideration when we look at the relationship between client and therapist. Trust isn’t a given. It changes daily at work, home, socially and in the therapy room. In therapy, you may naturally hold yourself back from exploring certain things and it is important to explore only what you are ready to discuss. Allowing this trust to develop in its own time is part of what makes a good therapeutic relationship. Equally, ‘breakages’ happen. Moments when there might be a mis-understanding of meaning. We are human after all. These moments can be incredibly useful, leading to a whole new level of understanding between two people. We realise we have made a mistake or misunderstood. For both therapist and client to be open and explore what we have learned can open new doors in the therapeutic process. Paradoxically, this means moments which could lead to a loss of trust, can in fact, lead to more trust developing and more awareness of the other person’s experiences. After all these years, these moments still surprise me in a good way. They more often than not give my client and I new ways to work and progress.

I’m going to trust that I’ve said enough for now. But this is a broad subject, one I’ll return to soon. Let me know if there is anything you would particularly like me to write about. Take care all.