Decoding the Confusion: Finding Your Unique Self-Care Routine

So today, I'm trying to catch up with some of my admin, find a little time for myself and a bit of what we all call 'self-care'. I popped out during a break to one of my favourite coffee shops. Not many people do a really good decaf coffee, but they do. It feels like a real luxury to me. But more importantly, I get away from my practice and get a little brain space from thinking about what's next on my to-do list, which at times feels never-ending.

The trouble with self-care is that when you go on social media there seems to be countless articles, books being advertised, and endless reels. I worry that in many cases a product is being sold. Don't get me wrong, the authors are very enterprising. However, in amongst all of this, how do you figure out what truly works for you? This overwhelming information can lead to time 'doom scrolling' social media looking at examples rather than being able to step away and make practical use of self care. When any of us is feeling physically or mentally unwell, doing anything needs to feel simple and accessible. If it is complicated we will simply leave it with a 'oh, I'll do that tomorrow or next week.'

Making Sense of what's useful in amongst the noise

It's so easy to get lost in reels showing the latest self care fads. In fact I decided to look at the #selfcare on Instagram and I can see lots of 'advice' that has a huge range of subjects; calendars of self-care actions, guidance on how to manage stress, applying make-up, skincare routines, diet, hug each other or even look up at the sky. The list was endless. I'm not saying that these are not useful, but perhaps what is being lost is what self-care is and why it is useful.

The first thing to do, perhaps, is to understand why we need self-care? We are human, yes, but we are also still mammals. Our natural state is the outdoors. We originate from caves and camps where stress was finding the next meal or trying to avoid being attacked by a predator. Our bodies are constantly looking for danger. In fact, this attunement covers many things and honestly I wish I had more time today to go into this. But let me give you one example. Our taste and smell are highly sensitised to telling us when food is not okay to eat, however, modern ultra processed foods do a great job of covering up any degradation and so we eat it not knowing there might be an issue. I probably should properly reference the research, but if you want to know more do read Ultra Processed People by Chris Van Tulleken. We are pretty good at knowing when we need water, food, when to go to the loo or need a sleep. However, we seem to have suppressed our awareness of quite how stressed or anxious we are. We hold onto it. Usually until we get a cough or cold and end up in bed.

Despite thinking we control our surroundings, most of everything we experience every day is out of our hands. Media, news, that person that pulls out in front of you when you're driving to work, the weather, a company takeover, paying the mortgage, an argument with a family member. From the moment we wake up, the stresses build up. In fact, they are added to the previous days stresses. We do have some control over certain parts of our day. We can set boundaries over how much time we give to others and set aside for ourselves. We can identify what things make us feel 'more okay'. Remember, we are cave people. So yes, looking up at the sky may well work for you.

Staring at the sky

Here's the important point. Self-care is individual. You are looking to use self-care as a way to drain down your stress. Recently for me this has been slowly digging over a recently obtained allotment. I get away from my workspace, I can take a nice big flask of tea, some biscuits and mix digging with sitting down and looking at a fabulous view of the Southdowns for an hour or so. There is no house-work, no organising, no solving problems. But for some people, this would be their ideal of hell, not self-care. I can't do the allotment two days in a row, my back wouldn't cope! Some days I might only have half an hour and so I choose something else off my self-care list. Your list would be completely different to mine, and yes, a skin care routine may well be part of it.

Tailoring Self-Care to Your Individual Needs

So, just go and try things out. Self-care is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Tailor it to your needs and the time you have available. Please don't let anyone else tell you what you 'should' do. Some of us only have time on their drive home from work, so you can plan what you can do in the car that works for you. Some of us have more time and can try out hobbies or learn something new in the evenings like a language.

Tips for Finding Your Unique Self-Care Routine

• Listen to Your Body : How do particular self-care routines make you feel? Experiment. Take note of what brings you calm and a clearer head.

• Consistency : Key to effective self-care. Try and find times you can fit in self care. It can be different each week, but try and find that space.

• Variety : Build a menu over time, we need variety to thrive. Try physical activities, creativity, learning, puzzles, or simply finding moments of solitude.

• Seek Support : If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about where to start, consider reaching out to a therapist.

The Importance of Self-Care

Life doesn't stop. For example, we now have access to work emails that we can check just before we go to sleep. Self-care has become essential for maintaining our well-being. It's not selfish to take time for yourself; in fact, it's a necessary step towards ensuring you can be most effective when you need to be.

Final Thoughts

A colleague years ago used say 'I need time to sharpen my saw.'. I loved this phrase. He was saying that he needed to go offline to look at his workload and plan how to move forward. This is a great way to think about self-care. Half of the battle is simple carving out some time to plan what you need, including your self-care plan. It may be that making that plan is your self-care for that day.

Do what works for you. Take time, explore, be curious of what works and what doesn't. Self-care isn't a luxury. Our cave person needs to be grounded in order to be able to deal with the stresses of modern life.

I would love to hear what works for you, what have you tried and what worked?

Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Zoe Foster, MBACP, NCPS (Accred)

Counsellor and Coach